The Problem I’m Chewing On: Healing, Scars, and Restoration

I take a problem and chew on it until all the flavor’s gone… and then I stick it in my hair.

Divine Secrets of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

I was thumbing through my first published Bible Study Unbroken* the other day and I came across Day 13 titled “Accepting the Scars.” As I read my words from 2016 I had to chuckle. I had no clue what was coming, or how the message of Unbroken would play out in my life when I filed for divorce one year later. Truth be told when I wrote the book I was in one of the rare happy seasons of my first marriage. But, three months after we published, I would give my wedding ring back and ask for a separation.

This is one of the pitfalls of being a writer.

You get to read past works and words you wrote with the 20/20 vision of hindsight. And that can be a good thing… but sometimes its bad, ugly, and cringe worthy. I had no idea what embracing the cracks that are making me whole (Unbroken’s tag line) would mean to me five years later.

I still believe that message. Maybe even more now than I did in 2016. I’ve embraced my broken pieces, re-built from the ashes, and let the cracks of my life become sources of beauty and strength. What I thought was going to be a marriage restoration story took a sharp turn and became a ME restoration story. It wasn’t going to play out like Eat, Pray, Love. More like Midwest mediocre. But, I found myself in the rubble. I found my purpose and passion in that mess. Discovering strength I didn’t know I had; and, teaching my kids that our choices matter even when they are hard.

New wounds came. Old scars were revealed. And beauty grew in the most unlikely places.

scars blog green sprout

Here’s what I wrote back in 2016…

After a storm rages through our lives, we are left with broken pieces. When we choose to accept the process of restoration those wounds start to heal. Sometimes after a wound heals a scar remains. Scars are reminders. Sometimes scars are on the outside; but, more often than not, your scars will not be visible to the naked eye. Your deepest wounds are rarely on the surface.

I can’t tell you how many times I have people tell me, “I had no idea you were even struggling,” or “I didn’t realize your marriage was that broken,” when they hear my story. When I look back at pictures during the worst seasons of my life I can see the light is gone from my eyes. On the outside things looked OK. I didn’t look sick. The truth is, when you look at someone who has overcome the odds, you will not always see the scars on her body. They are on her mind and heart.

Scars are reminders.

They remind us of why we are the way we are. Scars tell us of who we’ve been. They remind us of the lessons we have learned on life’s journey. The wounds they cover remind us of the things and people we’ve lost. They remind us of our courage and God’s faithfulness. Scars are a reminder that even the deepest wounds will eventually heal.

We have to get really good at accepting every chapter of our story, even the dark ones, because this is how we comfort our sisters, mothers, daughters, and best friends. When we can share the truth about the scars in our lives we give another woman courage. When we bravely share our weaknesses, another woman find the strength to take one step forward into the light. We comfort others with the same comfort we have been given.

It’s time to appreciate and celebrate those hard earned wounds. Those battle scars are important. Your scars are proof that we can all do hard things. Don’t hide them. Don’t pretend they aren’t there. Embrace the scars. Embrace the broken places and the healed areas of your life. Your vulnerability inspires others.

with Grace & Grit,


*The Unbroken Bible study has been retired, However you can still find it in our Faith Coaching Bundle from RAYMA Team, LLC. Click here to find out more!

Before you go, here are three quick ways to stay in touch: 

  • Find out if I’m the right coach for you, or the perfect speaker for your next event by clicking here!
  • Follow me on my favorite social media platform, Instagram.
  • Subscribe to the She Who Overcomes Podcast on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts. Co-hosted by myself and my BFF and business partner Mandy B. Anderson, She Who Overcomes is a weekly series of real-life stories and conversations that provides the listener with hope and action steps to transform your life, leadership, and career.

10 Ways to Build Your Confidence, Immediately.

confidence blog

Confidence is the key to feeling great in your own skin, reaching your wildest dreams, and creating a life that feels successful to you. But most of us still struggle with feeling confident. Maybe it is because we think confidence can only be built by setting massive boundaries or doing deep soul work. Of course, that is necessary sometimes. The good news is you can also build your confidence with fun and easy daily action steps. These 10 fun and easy action steps will build your confidence – no therapy session required!

Smile at everyone you meet for one day.

People are sadder than you realize, and a smile can literally improve someone’s day- and it’s guaranteed to boost your confidence because its fun and easy.

Get a new haircut.

It is time for the pandemic hair to go. If your city is coming out of lockdown- get thee to the salon! Even if it’s just a trim you’ll feel so much better!

Create a confidence playlist.

Music is a great mood booster! Make a specific playlist just for confidence boosting and pack that playlist full of tunes that lift your mood and get your booty shaking.

Paint a room in your home.

Your environment is more important than you think. Pick a bright color or a fun wallpaper you have been nervous to pull the plug on and go for it! If you are renting look for removable wallpaper. We did our closet with one I found at Target. It has been over a year and still looks great!

Create a “Things I’m Good At” List to boost confidence!

Make a list of 5 qualities or skills you have that you rock at. Toot your own horn, girl!

Create a collage or dream board.

Get creative and make a collage or dream board of the 50 things you want to accomplish in your lifetime. Put those dreams on paper where they can inspire you every day.

Buy a new plant.

Give it a name, talk to it, feed it, and water it. Taking care of something builds your confidence and teaches you you to be gentle and caring. If you are nervous buy a cactus.

Stand up straight and look forward when you walk.

Your body language will convey confidence even if you do not feel like it. Bonus points for making eye contact with the people you pass by.

Celebrate your wins.

Write down three things that went well today. And do it every day. Be your own cheering section.

 Clean up your social media.

Unfollow accounts that destroy your confidence. Even if it is a friend or a family member. Your social media is your home- you decide who comes in and what they can do there.

A lack of confidence will cause you to sabotage your best efforts at success and hate the skin you are in. And soul work, while necessary, takes time. Struggle no more! Use these 10 fun and easy ways to build your confidence, immediately!

With grace & grit,


Before you go, here are two quick ways to stay in touch: 

  • Follow Raychel on her favorite social media platform, Instagram.
  • Subscribe to the She Who Overcomes Podcast on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts. Co-hosted by Raychel Perman and Mandy B. Anderson, She Who Overcomes is a weekly series of real-life stories and conversations that provides the listener with hope and action steps to transform your life, leadership, and career.